i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
