Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I FOUND THE LEGS
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
