I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
