I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
