Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
