I never want to see another naked old woman again.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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