it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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