You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
