They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
