i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
