At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
