I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
