I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
