we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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