I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize