Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
