He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
