i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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