Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
