you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
