worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
