no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
