dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
