those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
