I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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