I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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