I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
