Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
