Michael Bay diarrhea
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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