why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
