Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
