So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
