That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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