you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The struggles of a small town man whore
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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