White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
