so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
