Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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