my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
