his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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