I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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