So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
