Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
