You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
