Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
