you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
