would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
