Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so let's talk penis.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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