How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
