we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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