sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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