im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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