I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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