The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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