Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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