you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
