He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
