to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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