Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
