I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
