They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
