well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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