I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
