is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
