She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
