You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
