Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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