This is not my ceiling
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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