I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
