i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
