Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
