I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
