yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
