we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
