There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
