Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
