Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
