Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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