her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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