happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
