True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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