the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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