saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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