So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
