Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize