I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
