If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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