Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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