Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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