your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I AM VODKA MAN
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
