I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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